Surprisingly honest article about females and confidence from The Atlantic
#1
HOW PUBERTY KILLS GIRLS' CONFIDENCE

Having a young daughter, I think about these things from time to time. I wonder who she will grow up to become. We've had many debates on this board about the differences between men and women. Specifically, how women deal with their own accountability.

This article posits that women are very hard on themselves internally, and that it starts in middle school. In my experience women tend to make excuses for themselves externally, and that seems to go regardless of age group.

Starting around 12 girls start to care, possible too much, about what others think. They tend to focus far more on negatives than positives, and the echo chamber of social media really ratchets that negativity up. We've seen a spike in teen suicides in recent years, and I'm of the mind that we need to start teaching young girls to be accountable, and that accountability does not equate to failure. Making a mistake or being wrong should not be so horrible that they think the world is going to end.

Anyways. Thoughts?
White Girl Connoisseur

Reply
#2
Seen a lot of studies on social media and anxiety/depression. The key to me is to teach kids to enjoy what’s real and tangible and simply put down their smart phones if someone’s mean or they feel the need to say something. It’s inconsequential. Social media is just a veneer on society that they have to be savvy with and somewhat detached from.
Reply
#3
Women should fear other women more than they should fear men. The wounds from the emotional beat downs they put on each other heal much slower than any bruises a man might put on them. Men who don't like each other can put aside their differences to complete a task or even root for the same sports team, but women who call each other friends may put each other down on the regular.

I have young daughters too. I have a plan on how to teach them how to deal with boys, but how to help them navigate other women, I'm powerless.
Reply
#4
(01-11-2019, 06:23 AM)Faeginn Wrote: Seen a lot of studies on social media and anxiety/depression. The key to me is to teach kids to enjoy what’s real and tangible and simply put down their smart phones if someone’s mean or they feel the need to say something. It’s inconsequential. Social media is just a veneer on society that they have to be savvy with and somewhat detached from.

The problem with this idea is that social media is the future. There's nothing superficial about it if you were born after 2000. It's the only life you know.

Sure, some rural people don't get caught up in it. But for townies, it's essential. I don't thing "just avoid it" will get the job done.


(01-11-2019, 08:52 AM)kcjones Wrote: Women should fear other women more than they should fear men. The wounds from the emotional beat downs they put on each other heal much slower than any bruises a man might put on them. Men who don't like each other can put aside their differences to complete a task or even root for the same sports team, but women who call each other friends may put each other down on the regular.

I have young daughters too. I have a plan on how to teach them how to deal with boys, but how to help them navigate other women, I'm powerless.

Yes and no. Yes, the things other females in their social circle say will do more damage than the words of the boys in that circle. But when they become emotionally intimate with a boy, he can destroy her. I've seen this more times than I can count. The two people who can do the most damage to a woman are 1) her father, 2) her true love(s).
White Girl Connoisseur

Reply
#5
(01-11-2019, 01:25 PM)Shotgun Styles Wrote: The problem with this idea is that social media is the future. There's nothing superficial about it if you were born after 2000. It's the only life you know.

Sure, some rural people don't get caught up in it. But for townies, it's essential. I don't thing "just avoid it" will get the job done.
It's not a matter of just avoiding it per-say, rather it's a matter of knowing whats healthy and unhealthy. But I get what you mean, thats hard for a kid to discern, let alone know they have the ability to stop caring.

Trust me, as a 90s baby I've had my own trials and tribulations with social media. Recently I've had friends delete a lot of their social media accounts entirely apart from facebook messenger. I hope she'll grow up to be disenchanted by it, for her sake. As long as it remains a functional tool its fine, but it's so easy to fall down the rabbit hole and let it literally dictate your mental health.
Reply
#6
(01-11-2019, 02:01 PM)Faeginn Wrote:
(01-11-2019, 01:25 PM)Shotgun Styles Wrote: The problem with this idea is that social media is the future. There's nothing superficial about it if you were born after 2000. It's the only life you know.

Sure, some rural people don't get caught up in it. But for townies, it's essential. I don't thing "just avoid it" will get the job done.
It's not a matter of just avoiding it per-say, rather it's a matter of knowing whats healthy and unhealthy. But I get what you mean, thats hard for a kid to discern, let alone know they have the ability to stop caring.

Trust me, as a 90s baby I've had my own trials and tribulations with social media. Recently I've had friends delete a lot of their social media accounts entirely apart from facebook messenger. I hope she'll grow up to be disenchanted by it, for her sake. As long as it remains a functional tool its fine, but it's so easy to fall down the rabbit hole and let it literally dictate your mental health.

I wanted to be encouraged by people dumping Facebook. But really, it's just a matter of time before somebody creates a competitor that gives people more of the good and less of the bad. That's capitalism. Also, from what I understand, a lot of people who were on Facebook have migrated to other social media like Snapchat.

Social media is the near future. What's even more scary is AI. Imagine you could create perfect virtual friends. People that loved you and praised you, but were indistinguishable from real people in conversation. That's coming. And when it gets here the isolation will become extreme. You think people live in bubbles now, good Lord. A futurist I was reading said "society will become a loose collection of self entitled royal princes".
White Girl Connoisseur

Reply
#7
(01-11-2019, 02:18 PM)Shotgun Styles Wrote:
(01-11-2019, 02:01 PM)Faeginn Wrote:
(01-11-2019, 01:25 PM)Shotgun Styles Wrote: The problem with this idea is that social media is the future. There's nothing superficial about it if you were born after 2000. It's the only life you know.

Sure, some rural people don't get caught up in it. But for townies, it's essential. I don't thing "just avoid it" will get the job done.
It's not a matter of just avoiding it per-say, rather it's a matter of knowing whats healthy and unhealthy. But I get what you mean, thats hard for a kid to discern, let alone know they have the ability to stop caring.

Trust me, as a 90s baby I've had my own trials and tribulations with social media. Recently I've had friends delete a lot of their social media accounts entirely apart from facebook messenger. I hope she'll grow up to be disenchanted by it, for her sake. As long as it remains a functional tool its fine, but it's so easy to fall down the rabbit hole and let it literally dictate your mental health.

I wanted to be encouraged by people dumping Facebook. But really, it's just a matter of time before somebody creates a competitor that gives people more of the good and less of the bad. That's capitalism. Also, from what I understand, a lot of people who were on Facebook have migrated to other social media like Snapchat.

Social media is the near future. What's even more scary is AI. Imagine you could create perfect virtual friends. People that loved you and praised you, but were indistinguishable from real people in conversation. That's coming. And when it gets here the isolation will become extreme. You think people live in bubbles now, good Lord. A futurist I was reading said "society will become a loose collection of self entitled royal princes".

Fuck that. I just want a dog and a shack in the country where I can live in ignorant bliss
Reply
#8
Shall I direct you to the nearest Prepper forum?
White Girl Connoisseur

[-] The following 1 user Likes Shotgun Styles's post:
  • Faeginn
Reply
#9
Interesting read so far, I'm gonna have to find a better time to finish it. It sums up a lot of the ideas already floating around about females in general. I'd like to see more studies of this done so it's more concrete. Particularly to refute the possibility that some of the boys may have felt the need to give certain responses because they need to tough it out.

Girls are very much still stuck in the "girls do this, boys do that" mentality, but, imo, are more likely to accept boys doing things out the norm than girls.  

The wage gap is a prime example. Women generally get paid as much as men, they just don't seem very interested in STEM fields or other male dominated fields. I've seen a lot of girls I've helped with hw and activities back out of things VERY quickly, because they stumbled or things seem difficult at first, probably because they feel the need to look perfect all the time. There are males like that too, but they typically seem uninterested from the get-go compared to females who think they've found their calling at first. Even if you look at things like gaming, women and girls typically stick to certain types that aren't too difficult or have very subjective measures of success (The Sims).

Females probably are still gonna be behind as far as dating goes for the next few generations as well, because there's still a lot of stereotypes from both sides that impact women more negatively. 

A lot of it also has to do with some of the (minor) brain differences and ways of thinking they have. They solve things from a more social or roundabout way, as opposed to men typically figuring out the more direct solutions or honing skills. But the way our society works, you have to be able to handle things directly, and you have to hone skills. If females were conditioned earlier on to enjoy honing crafts, things would probably even out.
Reply
#10
(01-11-2019, 01:25 PM)Shotgun Styles Wrote:
(01-11-2019, 06:23 AM)Faeginn Wrote: Seen a lot of studies on social media and anxiety/depression. The key to me is to teach kids to enjoy what’s real and tangible and simply put down their smart phones if someone’s mean or they feel the need to say something. It’s inconsequential. Social media is just a veneer on society that they have to be savvy with and somewhat detached from.

The problem with this idea is that social media is the future. There's nothing superficial about it if you were born after 2000. It's the only life you know.

Sure, some rural people don't get caught up in it. But for townies, it's essential. I don't thing "just avoid it" will get the job done.


(01-11-2019, 08:52 AM)kcjones Wrote: Women should fear other women more than they should fear men.  The wounds from the emotional beat downs they put on each other heal much slower than any bruises a man might put on them.  Men who don't like each other can put aside their differences to complete a task or even root for the same sports team, but women who call each other friends may put each other down on the regular.  

I have young daughters too.  I have a plan on how to teach them how to deal with boys, but how to help them navigate other women, I'm powerless.

Yes and no. Yes, the things other females in their social circle say will do more damage than the words of the boys in that circle. But when they become emotionally intimate with a boy, he can destroy her. I've seen this more times than I can count. The two people who can do the most damage to a woman are 1) her father, 2) her true love(s).


I get what you are saying and agree with many of your points, especially regarding the vulnerability a woman has with the men in her life.  What is missing is the lack of support women provide for each other.  I just believe the female community creates the vulnerability for men to exploit.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)